Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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