i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize