If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
