So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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