I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
