if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
