let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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