I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize