And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
