Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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