i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We just shotgunned beers for America
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
