There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
