Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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