I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
