at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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