Your tits are I can't wait for
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
