There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
