He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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