Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
