We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
