That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
