Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
