do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Randomize
