weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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