It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Enjoy the penises
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
