Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
sex in a hospital.. check
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize