So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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