I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
