actually, I'm a sock model
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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