Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
