I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
