what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
