Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize