you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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