The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
