I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
