If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
