i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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