and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
