My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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