I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
