oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Randomize