some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
