I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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