just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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