walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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