Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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