I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
