i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
