Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
