Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize