omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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