I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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