Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
