dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
