How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
