I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
