its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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