R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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