I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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