True but thats because hes a fetus.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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