I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
