I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
