and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
