And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
be right there i have to get my cape
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
