my soul wont recognize me after tonight
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
