I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
