North Korea, Best Korea!
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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