So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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