Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
