This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
