I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have aggressive nipples.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
