Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I didn't shave. On purpose
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
where are my eyebrows?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
