your parents love me but you hate me
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize