carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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