I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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