you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
How external is "for external use only"?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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