this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
