I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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