i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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