they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
