Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize