Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Randomize
