The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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