I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
