Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
