Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
