so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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