If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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